Star Trek: Insurrection was a stupid, stupid movie. And so, way back in the prehistoric mists of the 20th century (1999 to be exact) I wrote this parody. Yes, it's loaded with late-90s humor. But that may just make you love it more.
STAR TREK
I
N C O R R E C T I O N
A parody of Star Trek:
Insurrection
[FADE
IN on the Ba’ku village. The camera moves around the village, showing the
people weaving rugs, baking bread, and watering crops. Words that say things
like “Starring Patrick Stewart” appear, but the villagers are oblivious to
them.]
[CUT
TO the interior of the duck blind. The Starfleet and Son’a people are watching
the village through a large window. Every now and then one of the guys in the
invisible red suits is seen walking through the village.]
Ensign
#1: Sir, I’m detecting words appearing out of thin air in the village!
Female
Lieutenant: What do they say?
Ensign
#1 (looking at his instruments): Associate Producer Patrick Stewart . . .
Directed by Jonathan Frakes . . .
Female
Lieutenant: Oh no.
Female
Lieutenant: It’s another one of those Star Trek movies!
[CUT
TO Captain Picard’s quarters on the USS Enterprise]
Crusher:
Which idiot approved the design for these dress uniforms? We look like the crew
of the Love Boat!
Picard:
Your Associate Producer likes them very much. Say the greeting again.
Troi:
[Alien greeting].
Picard:
What?
Troi:
That’s what is says here in the script: “[Alien greeting]”.
Picard:
Let me see that. (Takes the script out of her hand). I can’t believe it.
[Riker
walks in]
Riker:
Captain, the Munchkins have arrived, they’re eating the-
Picard:
Is Rick Berman trying to make a fool out of me or what?
Riker:
Huh?
Crusher:
He’s mad because there’s no alien greeting in the script.
Riker:
Mike Piller was supposed to make something up. He must’ve forgotten. (To
Picard) You’ll have to do it.
Picard:
Me? Look, I’m not just “Actor Patrick Stewart” anymore, I’m an Associate
Producer! It’s not my job to make up funny words!
Riker:
Well, somebody has to do it, and if you walk into that reception and say
“[Alien Greeting]” it’s going to be pretty hard for the audience to suspend
their disbelief.
Crusher:
Are you kidding? The audience already believes that it’s worth eight bucks to see
this movie.
Troi:
She’s right, they’ll believe anything. Now let’s go, we’re late already
[They
leave his quarters and start walking down the hall]
Crusher:
I don’t understand why we have to film this scene with those little munchkin
aliens, anyway. It’s not like it has anything to do with the rest of the movie.
Riker:
Yeah, but it allows us to have some humor at the Captain’s expense.
Picard:
You know, I thought we decided that audiences like me as a Bruce Willis-style
action hero rather than a comedic buffoon.
[They
step into the turbolift]
Picard:
Can anyone remember when we used to be on television?
[The
turbolift doors close]
